Family Makes the Best Blackmail
by YamiNoTomoyo
Summary: A conversation with an unwanted relative, a conversation about an unknown relative, and a conversation about a potential in-law. Who says Gryffindors can't blackmail? Companion piece to "Never Bet on Saint Potter." Harry-centric, implied Albus/Scorpius


Companion prequel/sequel to "Never Bet on Saint Potter." Implied slash.

* * *

**Family Makes the Best Blackmail**

(2001)

When Dudley caught sight of the black-haired man sitting on the park bench, he blinked. A moment later, he recognized the man, and his jaw fell. He looked so different.

Cautiously, he approached. "Harry?"

The man twisted around, stared, and then smiled slightly. "Oh. Hello, Dudley."

"Hi. Er… What brings you back here?"

"Not sure. It's quiet here, I guess. There aren't exactly happy memories at this place, but they're different, and I needed to get away. First place I thought of," Harry said with a shrug. He turned back to the playground. "And I guess I like watching the children."

Dudley shifted uncomfortably.

Harry looked back again. "Want to sit down, Dudley?"

"Th-that's alright. Thanks. I just… You look different," he blurted. "Peaceful, or something."

"Peaceful?" Harry mulled it over for a moment, and nodded. "I guess I am. I'm happy, I guess. You know, I'm here because tomorrow, I'm proposing to my girlfriend."

Dudley began to say, "Who would ever want to go out with you?" but stopped himself. "That's great, Harry. She nice?"

"Nice? Definitely. Beautiful too. Wild temper, though. If I screw this up, she'll accept, but only after hexing me until I run away screaming," Harry said with a shudder.

"Hexing? Like… magic?"

"Well, yeah. It's the equivalent of a combination wedgie and slap in the face. Embarrassing and painful, but not all that bad."

"So you're going to propose to her, and if you screw up, you'll get wedgied and slapped?"

"More or less."

"Your kind are weird, Harry."

Harry chuckled. "Of course we are, but I guess that's why I like it."

"Um… Harry."

"Yeah?"

"I guess… Weird isn't _that _bad. Just so you know. But you didn't hear it from me."

"Hear what?" Harry replied, grinning. "Thanks, Dudley." He paused. "Is there anybody for you?"

Dudley flushed slightly. "Er – yeah, actually."

"Really?"

"You don't have to sound so surprised, you know," said Dudley, glaring.

Harry smiled back. "I didn't mean it like that. So, who is she? What's she like?"

"Er… Her name's Lyra. She's kind of mean and stuck-up sometimes, but I like her. She stands out. She's beautiful. She's also a little odd, though… Says weird things, now and then."

"Weird things?"

"She called herself a squib or a squab or something. Isn't that a kind of bird?"

Harry coughed. "Actually… Um, it's a non-magical child born to magical parents."

Dudley stared at him.

"Yeah. Really."

"Oh." Dudley thought about it. "Well, at least that means _she's_ normal, right? Well, as normal as you can get with that kind of beauty and a nose stuck firmly up in the air."

Harry grinned. "Sounds like your mum, or maybe this kid I once knew. Malfoy."

"Malfoy?"

"Malfoy."

"_Malfoy?_"

"Yeah… Why?"

"Does he have a sister?"

"Not that I know of."

"Oh… Cousins?"

"He has a lot of cousins, but their last names are all Black or Tonks."

"Oh. Well, um, she's Lyra. Lyra Malfoy."

Harry gaped.

Dudley shrugged. "Curly blond hair, blue-gray eyes? Seems rich?"

"They just might be related. But the Malfoys would never live down having a squib daughter – oh. _Oh._" Harry grinned wickedly. "Dudley – go after her. If you really, really, really like her, marry her. Let me know sometime if she's related to Draco, Lucius, and Narcissa Malfoy. Not only will you be happy, but I'll have the best blackmail material of the century."

"Blackmail?"

"Blackmail."

"…I don't even _want _to know."

"Probably for the best."

"Right… Well… Good luck, I guess. And thanks."

"Thanks? For what?"

"I never thanked you for saving me from that – I forgot what it was called, actually…"

"Dementor?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Harry."

"Sure thing, Dudley. Will I see you around?"

"If you really want to…"

"Family's family, Dudley. I'd like you to meet mine. Eventually. I'll even mail the invitations the normal way."

"You'd bloody better."

"Love you too, cousin. I'm off."

Harry smiled one last time at Dudley Dursley, picked himself up, and grinned to himself as he walked towards Arabella Figg's house. He'd made up with his cousin, more or less, was about to propose to the love of his life, and might have blackmail on Malfoy.

He fingered the ring box in his pocket, and thought, today is definitely one great day.

* * *

(2020)

"Oi, Malfoy."

"Potter."

"You're going to let our sons date if they want. Got it?"

Sneer. "Why should I?"

"Ignoring the fact that you should be a supportive father for Scorpius, I know something you don't."

"Are you going to tell me?"

"You have a squib twin sister."

"…That's hilarious, Potter."

"Her name is Lyra Malfoy."

"Not likely."

"She is a primmer, nicer, prettier, female version of you."

"Really, Potter, hilarious."

"Narcissa had her tested for magic along with you, when you were born. Lyra was given to a secret squib relative of the Black family to be raised, and Narcissa continues to meet with her about once a year. Lucius never knew."

"Great story, Potter. I don't buy it."

"Her middle name is Walburga."

"First, you could have just pulled that name from your dog-father's family tree. Second, just what are you trying to pull? Third, that name is utterly terrible."

"She hates it too, actually. Want to hear the best part?"

"Not really."

"She's my cousin-in-law."

"…"

"Yeah. Sweet girl, if a bit bitchy – like you, I guess. Anyway, she and my cousin make a great couple."

"There is no fucking way she's married to a Weasley, Potter."

"No, on my mother's side. My cousin Dudley married her. Their daughter's name is Lucille Dursley. You'd like her. Slytherin to the core. I'm certain she's a witch."

"You're really not bluffing, are you?"

"Nope. Oh, the scandal! The shame of the Malfoy family – a squib sister the great Draco never knew about! I can hear the presses running already – Lyra Malfoy marries into Potter family! Ooh!"

"Potter, listen well. First, I promise I won't try to interfere with our son's relationship… Whatever kind of _relationship_ it ends up being…"

"And second?"

"Second… Can I, er, meet Lyra?"

"All you had to do was ask."

"And they say I'm a cold-hearted Slytherin bastard."

"You are, Draco. You are."

"Oh. That's alright then."

"I'll owl you details later."

"Whatever, Potter. Sod off."

Harry flipped him the bird, and whistled as he made his way to the Apparation point, considering his good deed of the day done.


End file.
